Thursday through Sunday were spent sorting, packing, and cleaning our entire apartment. Thanks to some last minute help we were actually out by 10:30 (of course not to bed until midnight). I am still sore from all that work, but I am glad it is done. While we did actually get out, we are not finished with our list. Lately, I've been feeling pretty out of it and it is definitely due to lack of sleep. I am torn between rest and my to-do list, knowing neither can be satisfied with this week's schedule of working, trying to schedule time with friends, hanging out with my family, plus all of the other things bound to arise like laundry, repacking, planning, etc.
The busy-ness (busyness, business, bizness) has continued to be my shelter from that feeling of leaving... again. It is an emotionally tense place to live, but I have not found another solution. I just need time to slow down (or maybe speed up?). I want it to be over, I want it to never come. I want to drive away, I want to stay forever. I have so much to do, I just want to relax. I reside in that comma.
New discoveries:
- I find that I have to psyche myself up for infinite moments. Like, driving down the road is just a commute unless you turn on your favorite music, light up, and roll down the windows even though it is raining. Suddenly something routine becomes rejuvenating.
- Ben and Jerry's "Everything But The..." is my new favorite comfort food.
- I am finding that I like to be "necessary". Self-esteem issue? Maybe. I'm working on it.
- Sometimes friendship grow with change and sometimes they fade. Mostly though, relationship change with change. The dynamic that worked in the past may not continue, but it can still be beautiful.
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