"On the last and greatest day of the Feast, Jesus stood and said in a loud voice, 'If anyone is thirsty, let him come to me and drink. Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has said, streams of living water will flow from within him.' By this he meant the Spirit, whom those who believed in him were later to receive. Up to that time the Spirit had not been given, since Jesus had not yet been glorified."
- John 7:37-39
Today a revolutionary observation was shared with me by way of a question. (The Socratic method might be eternal; I actually think God invented it. Go figure). It was this: What is the Holy Spirit's role? A few words came to mind, like relationship, comfort, intercessor, etc. Isn't it to make us look more like Jesus? I thought about it a moment or two, "It is. It really is." If His job description is to make us look like Jesus, why would He come when Jesus was still bound by humanity? Does it not seem like Holy Spirit would wait until Jesus was seated next to Father, looking like Father, exercising His authority, living His role--- being glorified?
We were originally created to be in the image of God. (Genesis 1:26) Jesus came to restore a Kingdom and us to our rightful roles. (Luke 22:28-30) Holy Spirit is welcome when we live in the faith-knowledge that Jesus is Lord; He is risen; He is the Son of God.
Chew on that for awhile. Yeah, that's how I have felt all week.
My mailbox is my happy place. I've received a few letters over the past couple of weeks and have enjoyed it immensely. Some made me laugh out loud, others drew tears, and all have made me so grateful. I cannot even express how blessed I am to have the family and friends that I do. It is not normal, it is not flippant or common; it is blessing and extravagance: as simple as that. I do not by any means deserve it but that is the "extravagant" part. Thank you, all of you, for your prayers, your letters, or whatever method of support you employ. I pray the blessing lavishly returned to you.
The first week of school is finished. Finished is an odd word. But there is very much a clash of birth and death, beginning and ending, crucifixion and resurrection in this revival-stirring. I get the feeling that I am learning how much I do not know and that is probably the best thing for me ever. There just seems like some Kingdom paradoxical principle in the wisdom of knowing that I know nothing. I know that sounds insane and much sounds crazy to me but the crazier spiritual stuff sounds, the more insane living in my own reason comes to be as well. Even "spiritual" can be a misleading word if you do not know the Spirit as real as I am coming to realize He is (very much still grasping, by the way). My head is completely turned on; I did not check my brain at the door going into class. In fact, my reason still gets in the way, my brain still says "potty break!" right when it's getting good, and my unbelief clouds my vision far too frequently. But let me tell you this: I tell my reason to go to the feet of Jesus and be purified, I remind my brain that it controls my bladder and not vice versa, and I tell unbelief to go to the feet of Jesus never to return because I will not partner with anything even whispering against my Love.
In other news, an undeniable miracle occurred today. Money multiplied, or rather appeared from nothing. Literally. One of my roommates prayed during service to God that she wanted to give an offering to bless the speaker, but she had emptied her wallet for tithe this morning. Fervently praying for God to multiply everything in the bags, she felt the nudge to check her wallet again (that she absolutely knew was empty). When she unfolded it, there was $90. She has not had that much cash in her wallet in over a month. She put it all in the offering.
Um--- HOW COOL!
That's all.
Prayer requests: the spirit of revelation, a genuine heart, genuine growth, and a genuine Holy Spirit encounter
Monday, September 24, 2007
Monday, September 17, 2007
Slouching & Other Activities
So I have this wretched habit of slouching and it puts such pressure on my lower back! I just realized that my last hour online has been spent with one foot tucked under the other knee, my back slumped, with spontaneous adjustments according to emotions. I am not sure why I thought you would find that interesting but it was on my mind at the moment and I'm the one in control of the words on this page. So there you go.
Of course, that is pretty much the only thing I have control of, which may be why I am exploiting it to such moronic proportions (this very exaggeration included). This morning I received notice from my manager that my age affects the hours I am allowed to have in the lovely (sarcasm intended) state of California. I didn't really panic until I got home and let out a bit of emotion (in the form of tears that is; emotion just seeps through my pores on a constant basis). It was my first time to really cry here and I think I needed it more than I had previously realized. Anyway, it ended up working out: I did a little internet research and found that only a high school diploma is required to be eligible for the hours I need. However, I may have a second job offer, so be praying for that.
Other than that complication, work has been pretty good. I am becoming accustomed to a whole new group of people, location, store, methods, and expectations, but I supposed it is another of these marvelous character-building elements in this adventure I have titled "my life." The store opened on Friday and it is a cafe (no drive-thru!) which slows the pace down a bit (long shifts drag) but I am able to connect and converse with customers on a more personal basis, which is alot of fun and much more validating than the pressure of drive-thru expectations. California is a whole different ballgame as far as the people go and Redding in particular has its own colorful folk; it keeps the day interesting, certainly.
Classes begin tomorrow and the girls (that is, my roomies) and I are so excited about it! This morning over my lunch break I finished the first book we were asked to read, "Welcoming A Visitation Of The Holy Spirit." It was not a quick read, but worthwhile. Our next one is Benny Hinn's "Good Morning, Holy Spirit." Really, that's all I know to expect so far but my giddy anticipation grows every moment. Speaking of the Holy Spirit, He and I had an interesting time together on Friday night. I have never had the spirit of Laughter come over me before but that night it did and I was so disoriented that I found myself in tears as well! It is a regular practice around "these parts" to get completely wasted in the Spirit and I have to say it is by far the best (and most understandable) addiction I have ever seen in my life.
Well, I am off! Tonight is pumpkin pie making night and tomorrow night is "Breakfast At Tiffany's" with the girls. (Yes, I am having as much fun as it sounds!)
Prayer Request: creative financial provision, peace, and faith
PS: And pictures...
*The view from my room. It looks down over Sundial Bridge over the Sacramento River; if it were a moving picture and you looked to the right you would see Mt. Shasta settled in the Shasta Mts.
*My bedroom! Or rather, mine and Katrina's bedroom. Notice the books. =) And scarves. Evidence that I do, indeed, live here.
*My bed on the floor. Katrina's is pink. And another bookshelf thing.
*The bathroom, in case you were interested. And yes, that picture is upside down. Yes, it was on purpose. And yes, it was my idea.
*The darling roommates and myself. From left to right, Rachel, Kari, Katrina, and myself at In-n-Out, where I half-jokingly picked up an application.
Of course, that is pretty much the only thing I have control of, which may be why I am exploiting it to such moronic proportions (this very exaggeration included). This morning I received notice from my manager that my age affects the hours I am allowed to have in the lovely (sarcasm intended) state of California. I didn't really panic until I got home and let out a bit of emotion (in the form of tears that is; emotion just seeps through my pores on a constant basis). It was my first time to really cry here and I think I needed it more than I had previously realized. Anyway, it ended up working out: I did a little internet research and found that only a high school diploma is required to be eligible for the hours I need. However, I may have a second job offer, so be praying for that.
Other than that complication, work has been pretty good. I am becoming accustomed to a whole new group of people, location, store, methods, and expectations, but I supposed it is another of these marvelous character-building elements in this adventure I have titled "my life." The store opened on Friday and it is a cafe (no drive-thru!) which slows the pace down a bit (long shifts drag) but I am able to connect and converse with customers on a more personal basis, which is alot of fun and much more validating than the pressure of drive-thru expectations. California is a whole different ballgame as far as the people go and Redding in particular has its own colorful folk; it keeps the day interesting, certainly.
Classes begin tomorrow and the girls (that is, my roomies) and I are so excited about it! This morning over my lunch break I finished the first book we were asked to read, "Welcoming A Visitation Of The Holy Spirit." It was not a quick read, but worthwhile. Our next one is Benny Hinn's "Good Morning, Holy Spirit." Really, that's all I know to expect so far but my giddy anticipation grows every moment. Speaking of the Holy Spirit, He and I had an interesting time together on Friday night. I have never had the spirit of Laughter come over me before but that night it did and I was so disoriented that I found myself in tears as well! It is a regular practice around "these parts" to get completely wasted in the Spirit and I have to say it is by far the best (and most understandable) addiction I have ever seen in my life.
Well, I am off! Tonight is pumpkin pie making night and tomorrow night is "Breakfast At Tiffany's" with the girls. (Yes, I am having as much fun as it sounds!)
Prayer Request: creative financial provision, peace, and faith
PS: And pictures...
*The view from my room. It looks down over Sundial Bridge over the Sacramento River; if it were a moving picture and you looked to the right you would see Mt. Shasta settled in the Shasta Mts.
*My bedroom! Or rather, mine and Katrina's bedroom. Notice the books. =) And scarves. Evidence that I do, indeed, live here.
*My bed on the floor. Katrina's is pink. And another bookshelf thing.*The bathroom, in case you were interested. And yes, that picture is upside down. Yes, it was on purpose. And yes, it was my idea.
*The darling roommates and myself. From left to right, Rachel, Kari, Katrina, and myself at In-n-Out, where I half-jokingly picked up an application.
Sunday, September 9, 2007
And Then She Flew
A song by Josh Ritter has been my California-anthem so far; here are a couple lyrics:
"Going out to California, gonna let the water warm my clothes. I’m alone but I’m not lonely. Gonna trade the weather for the Western coast. No, don't cry, I'll be back and I'll bring the sun to shine in your eyes on your shoulders... Don't say the trip's been done a hundred thousand times 'cause this one is mine. So I will work at what work finds me and I will take what comfort I can get. I’ll be back when I’m good and ready. California doesn’t seem to think I’m ready yet."
I'm already feeling the warmth of a different Sun and I cannot wait to pack it up and bring it home; right now, I am enjoying soaking in the heat and pressure of spiritual revolution. Right now my internet connection is limited (we do not have wireless at the apartment yet) and I actually need to go; I am meeting my roommates for dinner at a family's house who has been a huge blessing to me so far here. I did want to update my faithful friends and prayer warriors at home, though.
The apartment is coming together well; it's feeling like home. (I'll post pictures soon; my camera and I are at odds). The view is spectacular. Jesus is stirring up some crazy stuff in my heart and I'm warning you guys: I'm about to jump off this cliff and never be the same. I'm an all-or-nothing person and this is my moment... I'm saying, "Yes."
Something on my mind has been where I will go next year; don't get me wrong: my heart is definitely here and involved in the present of what God is doing, but there is wisdom in planning. Ironically, the schools I am most interested in are extremely expensive and have minimal financial aid. I have been doing a little research into getting some scholarships essay-wise, but really I have no idea where to take my college application process. That's terrifying to me in so many ways! Please pray for undoubtable clarity and open doors for whatever and wherever God wants to take me.
Okay, I'm off! My apologies on the brief and flighty update; hopefully when our final roommate comes in tomorrow we can get this internet act together! Love and blessings of revelation.
Prayer Request: the financial means to live here and the money for tuition, direction with college applications, the follow-through on the transformation that is beginning
...
URGENT: Pray for our NATION! There is some crazy stuff happening in the spiritual realm that we need to fight for: protection and wisdom especially. We have no right to critique decisions if we are not doing everything we can to encourage the wise ones: that begins in prayer.
"Going out to California, gonna let the water warm my clothes. I’m alone but I’m not lonely. Gonna trade the weather for the Western coast. No, don't cry, I'll be back and I'll bring the sun to shine in your eyes on your shoulders... Don't say the trip's been done a hundred thousand times 'cause this one is mine. So I will work at what work finds me and I will take what comfort I can get. I’ll be back when I’m good and ready. California doesn’t seem to think I’m ready yet."
I'm already feeling the warmth of a different Sun and I cannot wait to pack it up and bring it home; right now, I am enjoying soaking in the heat and pressure of spiritual revolution. Right now my internet connection is limited (we do not have wireless at the apartment yet) and I actually need to go; I am meeting my roommates for dinner at a family's house who has been a huge blessing to me so far here. I did want to update my faithful friends and prayer warriors at home, though.
The apartment is coming together well; it's feeling like home. (I'll post pictures soon; my camera and I are at odds). The view is spectacular. Jesus is stirring up some crazy stuff in my heart and I'm warning you guys: I'm about to jump off this cliff and never be the same. I'm an all-or-nothing person and this is my moment... I'm saying, "Yes."
Something on my mind has been where I will go next year; don't get me wrong: my heart is definitely here and involved in the present of what God is doing, but there is wisdom in planning. Ironically, the schools I am most interested in are extremely expensive and have minimal financial aid. I have been doing a little research into getting some scholarships essay-wise, but really I have no idea where to take my college application process. That's terrifying to me in so many ways! Please pray for undoubtable clarity and open doors for whatever and wherever God wants to take me.
Okay, I'm off! My apologies on the brief and flighty update; hopefully when our final roommate comes in tomorrow we can get this internet act together! Love and blessings of revelation.
Prayer Request: the financial means to live here and the money for tuition, direction with college applications, the follow-through on the transformation that is beginning
...
URGENT: Pray for our NATION! There is some crazy stuff happening in the spiritual realm that we need to fight for: protection and wisdom especially. We have no right to critique decisions if we are not doing everything we can to encourage the wise ones: that begins in prayer.
Saturday, September 1, 2007
Praise and Purpose
Glancing up at the title of my blog, I cannot help but wonder (haha) if it ought to be "wandering wonderer" instead of the reverse. By nature I am more of a wonderer than wanderer, and I think "wandering" is the adjective and wonderer is the noun. There's the overanalytical "wonderer" for you, but it also defines a bit of what God is doing with me right now. He certainly has a plan and I definitely do not know what it is exactly. I have purpose and vision, but no plan. Yesterday I told someone over a delicious plate of Thai food, "The further along I get in life, the older I become, the less answers I have." It's a new theme and a picturesque, terrifying place to be.
A dear friend and kindred spirit shared a set of verses with me that have fascinated in me in a curious, almost morbid sense. The Christian walk was never intended to be easy and I think even the term "walk" is deceptive. It certainly is more of a journey, with ups and downs, beautiful mountain peaks and dry deserts, the clear direction of Father and the echo of His purposeful silence. This chapter in 2 Corinthians really seems to outline that in verses 4-10:
"Rather, as servants of God we commend ourselves in every way: in great endurance; in troubles, hardships and distresses; in beatings, imprisonments and riots; in hard work, sleepless nights and hunger; in purity, understanding, patience and kindness; in the Holy Spirit and in sincere love; in truthful speech and in the power of God; with weapons of righteousness in the right hand and in the left; through glory and dishonor, bad report and good report; genuine, yet regarded as impostors; known, yet regarded as unknown; dying, and yet we live on; beaten, and yet not killed; sorrowful, yet always rejoicing; poor, yet making many rich; having nothing, and yet possessing everything."
I think that is the gospel illustrated by life in several ways. It does not make promises of ease but it does have fulfillment. There are no guarantees for selfish satisfaction, but it does tell us that we can come to a place of "always rejoicing." The Great Paradox has been such a theme in the mysteries Father speaks to me; I see it here as well. And as I do my last packing and glance over all of the details I have attempted to organize and God has graciously taken care of, I realize that He is giving me the opportunity to live this adventure. It is important, I believe, to share and give praise to God for the prayers He answers. So often I do not even catch myself breezing past an answered prayer to the next worry on my list. Okay, are you ready to hear what God has done for me? He has kept His promise to fulfill every need and work all things out for good for those called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28):
1) A car.
-I needed some way to get from place to place and I knew my funds were limited. In the process of praying over what to do, my parents offered to help me out and alot of boring details aside, they are getting a great deal on a car from a family member. It's a gorgeous Jetta (I cannot WAIT to drive it). The only prerequisite was that I learn to drive a standard. That has been quite the experience (a phrase I am becoming used to repeating) but I seem to be catching on a bit. Daddy's been so patient with me and made it as low-stress as learning to drive such a contraption can be.
2) A place to live.
-Oh my! What craziness this has been. There were so many back-and-forth issues and swirling unknowns about expenses, washers and dryers, sewage bills, and numbers of bathrooms that multiple times I fell apart on my strong tower of a mother with a sobbing, "I don't know!" In the end, God worked out the rent to one that will stretch me time and work-wise, but will not kill me to earn. It will make me appreciate things, I am sure, that I've taken for granted, as I am already realizing. We are on the second story and rumor has it that we have one of the best views in the complex, overlooking a river. (I'll definitely confirm that with pictures). What a favor of God -- an unnecessary perk like a great view! That blesses my aesthetically-driven soul to praise.
3) A roommate.
-There has been so much back and forth on this area that I will not even attempt to describe it. Suffice to say, there have been almosts and fall-throughs on multiple occasions and it stretched my sanity to the obvious point of tears and the hilarious point of random frustrated noises. In this area God definitely did His own thing with little regard to my comfort and I am so glad that has been the case! With my comfort, I would have had a roommate in March when all of this really took flight. But now with His design, I have a roommate who convinces me more and more each day that God has an intent with this relationship. I have yet to meet any of the three girls that will be sharing a home with me and that's one of the question marks that makes me bounce with anticipation. I cannot wait to tell you how each of the beautiful souls I'm living with are exactly what we needed to live and grow with this year. Pray that the "unity" would really be apart of the community I participate in.
4) A way to transport my stuff.
-The drive to Redding from DFW is three days without stopping (and stops of course would be necessary) plus the gas and stops make it extremely expensive. We did some estimating and it would cost about $5000 for my parents and I to drive out with my stuff and for them to return. Obviously, a huge cost that we needed to cut down. Mom and I are now flying out tomorrow and we needed a way to ship my things out (also an expensive endeavor). We ended up discovering that some friends of ours could get a discount on shipping with FedEx and they graciously shared it with me, cutting the would-be shipping cost to $800 less. Let me tell you, that was such a relief.
5) A job.
-My sweet managers at my Starbucks at home had some difficulty making contacts in Redding and I ended up having to pick up the phone to get a job in line. It was not too easy to figure out where I needed to transfer into and who to talk to about it, but in my search for roommates, I stumbled across the name of a partner in Redding named Kara. She gave me a list of numbers and stores, which ended up leading me to a hiring manager named Andrea. She and I got along so well that she decided to put me in her store instead of another, so she will be my new manager. Not only that, I will have the opportunity to experience opening a cafe from scratch! Everything I hear about it sounds like an adventure and I'm so blessed that God set me up with a manager who is easy to talk to (I prayed for favor in this area too, because I've appreciated having a fun, easygoing manager).
6) A renewed sense of calling.
-Amidst all of the craziness of packing, leaving, and working out jobs/roommates/apartments/shipping I found myself feeling overwhelmed and the goodbyes and suspense wore on my spirit. Many times I found myself asking, "Is this it, God? Am I hearing You correctly? Are You sure?" I am leaving everything that I have ever known and loved, which is something I've always wanted the courage to do... I just never knew that it would cost so much. It truly is taking nearly everything out of me, but I am finding that it is worth being precisely where God wants me-- why would I ever want to live outside of His purpose? There is so much fulfillment on the windy mountain that I cannot help but wonder if Abraham amidst all of the raging questions, the uncertainty, the fear, and the sadness felt a sense of purpose that made it all worthwhile, if with every knock-kneed step he felt the weight of glory in fulfilling God's calling. Of course, Redding is its own altar, but God has called me there to make me a promise, not to ask me to sacrifice one and I am grateful that it is the case [at least for the moment]. But I am learning to be open to sacrifice all things and lay on the altar anything even threateningly dearer to my heart than Him, especially my security in surroundings and people.
Wow, and there I have typed out a novel for you to read. I apologize for the length, but it definitely shows how much God is doing! I could still go on forever but for the sake of my time and yours, I just have a bit more to say. In all this moving out and being told that I am learning to live on my own, I have found just how much I cannot do anything "on my own." Truly without the support of so many I would not have the strength of resolve to do this. Particularly, I have to mention that there truly is no "on my own." This year would not happen primarily without God of course, but a close second is my parents. Never have I seen parents more willing to sacrifice, to dare their child to dream and then dare to let go, to know that mistakes are inevitable but a part of the molding of a firm personal faith-- so I dedicate this moment of excitement and anticipation to them, because it would not have happened without all they are and have done. (Thank you both. I love you).
By no means do I feel as if I have arrived anywhere and I am praying the love-crazy prayer that I never feel comfortable without Him again. My next entry will come from Redding; Talk to you then!
Prayer request: I leave tomorrow so my prayer request is safety and a smooth transition, along with continuing to see God's hand as I seek His face.
A dear friend and kindred spirit shared a set of verses with me that have fascinated in me in a curious, almost morbid sense. The Christian walk was never intended to be easy and I think even the term "walk" is deceptive. It certainly is more of a journey, with ups and downs, beautiful mountain peaks and dry deserts, the clear direction of Father and the echo of His purposeful silence. This chapter in 2 Corinthians really seems to outline that in verses 4-10:
"Rather, as servants of God we commend ourselves in every way: in great endurance; in troubles, hardships and distresses; in beatings, imprisonments and riots; in hard work, sleepless nights and hunger; in purity, understanding, patience and kindness; in the Holy Spirit and in sincere love; in truthful speech and in the power of God; with weapons of righteousness in the right hand and in the left; through glory and dishonor, bad report and good report; genuine, yet regarded as impostors; known, yet regarded as unknown; dying, and yet we live on; beaten, and yet not killed; sorrowful, yet always rejoicing; poor, yet making many rich; having nothing, and yet possessing everything."
I think that is the gospel illustrated by life in several ways. It does not make promises of ease but it does have fulfillment. There are no guarantees for selfish satisfaction, but it does tell us that we can come to a place of "always rejoicing." The Great Paradox has been such a theme in the mysteries Father speaks to me; I see it here as well. And as I do my last packing and glance over all of the details I have attempted to organize and God has graciously taken care of, I realize that He is giving me the opportunity to live this adventure. It is important, I believe, to share and give praise to God for the prayers He answers. So often I do not even catch myself breezing past an answered prayer to the next worry on my list. Okay, are you ready to hear what God has done for me? He has kept His promise to fulfill every need and work all things out for good for those called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28):
1) A car.
-I needed some way to get from place to place and I knew my funds were limited. In the process of praying over what to do, my parents offered to help me out and alot of boring details aside, they are getting a great deal on a car from a family member. It's a gorgeous Jetta (I cannot WAIT to drive it). The only prerequisite was that I learn to drive a standard. That has been quite the experience (a phrase I am becoming used to repeating) but I seem to be catching on a bit. Daddy's been so patient with me and made it as low-stress as learning to drive such a contraption can be.
2) A place to live.
-Oh my! What craziness this has been. There were so many back-and-forth issues and swirling unknowns about expenses, washers and dryers, sewage bills, and numbers of bathrooms that multiple times I fell apart on my strong tower of a mother with a sobbing, "I don't know!" In the end, God worked out the rent to one that will stretch me time and work-wise, but will not kill me to earn. It will make me appreciate things, I am sure, that I've taken for granted, as I am already realizing. We are on the second story and rumor has it that we have one of the best views in the complex, overlooking a river. (I'll definitely confirm that with pictures). What a favor of God -- an unnecessary perk like a great view! That blesses my aesthetically-driven soul to praise.
3) A roommate.
-There has been so much back and forth on this area that I will not even attempt to describe it. Suffice to say, there have been almosts and fall-throughs on multiple occasions and it stretched my sanity to the obvious point of tears and the hilarious point of random frustrated noises. In this area God definitely did His own thing with little regard to my comfort and I am so glad that has been the case! With my comfort, I would have had a roommate in March when all of this really took flight. But now with His design, I have a roommate who convinces me more and more each day that God has an intent with this relationship. I have yet to meet any of the three girls that will be sharing a home with me and that's one of the question marks that makes me bounce with anticipation. I cannot wait to tell you how each of the beautiful souls I'm living with are exactly what we needed to live and grow with this year. Pray that the "unity" would really be apart of the community I participate in.
4) A way to transport my stuff.
-The drive to Redding from DFW is three days without stopping (and stops of course would be necessary) plus the gas and stops make it extremely expensive. We did some estimating and it would cost about $5000 for my parents and I to drive out with my stuff and for them to return. Obviously, a huge cost that we needed to cut down. Mom and I are now flying out tomorrow and we needed a way to ship my things out (also an expensive endeavor). We ended up discovering that some friends of ours could get a discount on shipping with FedEx and they graciously shared it with me, cutting the would-be shipping cost to $800 less. Let me tell you, that was such a relief.
5) A job.
-My sweet managers at my Starbucks at home had some difficulty making contacts in Redding and I ended up having to pick up the phone to get a job in line. It was not too easy to figure out where I needed to transfer into and who to talk to about it, but in my search for roommates, I stumbled across the name of a partner in Redding named Kara. She gave me a list of numbers and stores, which ended up leading me to a hiring manager named Andrea. She and I got along so well that she decided to put me in her store instead of another, so she will be my new manager. Not only that, I will have the opportunity to experience opening a cafe from scratch! Everything I hear about it sounds like an adventure and I'm so blessed that God set me up with a manager who is easy to talk to (I prayed for favor in this area too, because I've appreciated having a fun, easygoing manager).
6) A renewed sense of calling.
-Amidst all of the craziness of packing, leaving, and working out jobs/roommates/apartments/shipping I found myself feeling overwhelmed and the goodbyes and suspense wore on my spirit. Many times I found myself asking, "Is this it, God? Am I hearing You correctly? Are You sure?" I am leaving everything that I have ever known and loved, which is something I've always wanted the courage to do... I just never knew that it would cost so much. It truly is taking nearly everything out of me, but I am finding that it is worth being precisely where God wants me-- why would I ever want to live outside of His purpose? There is so much fulfillment on the windy mountain that I cannot help but wonder if Abraham amidst all of the raging questions, the uncertainty, the fear, and the sadness felt a sense of purpose that made it all worthwhile, if with every knock-kneed step he felt the weight of glory in fulfilling God's calling. Of course, Redding is its own altar, but God has called me there to make me a promise, not to ask me to sacrifice one and I am grateful that it is the case [at least for the moment]. But I am learning to be open to sacrifice all things and lay on the altar anything even threateningly dearer to my heart than Him, especially my security in surroundings and people.
Wow, and there I have typed out a novel for you to read. I apologize for the length, but it definitely shows how much God is doing! I could still go on forever but for the sake of my time and yours, I just have a bit more to say. In all this moving out and being told that I am learning to live on my own, I have found just how much I cannot do anything "on my own." Truly without the support of so many I would not have the strength of resolve to do this. Particularly, I have to mention that there truly is no "on my own." This year would not happen primarily without God of course, but a close second is my parents. Never have I seen parents more willing to sacrifice, to dare their child to dream and then dare to let go, to know that mistakes are inevitable but a part of the molding of a firm personal faith-- so I dedicate this moment of excitement and anticipation to them, because it would not have happened without all they are and have done. (Thank you both. I love you).
By no means do I feel as if I have arrived anywhere and I am praying the love-crazy prayer that I never feel comfortable without Him again. My next entry will come from Redding; Talk to you then!
Prayer request: I leave tomorrow so my prayer request is safety and a smooth transition, along with continuing to see God's hand as I seek His face.
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