San Francisco was a lovely way to vacate my small town. Claustrophobia has been chewing the borders of my mental sanity and I had to get out. You ever get that feeling that you can't do anything without everyone questioning your every move? Whether it's true or not, it's a tight feeling and it stresses me out. So I left. I met a friend at my uncle and aunt's downtown and made a break for it. The ocean was by far my favorite moment, just because the vast, unending water makes me feel like myself. I don't question who I am, I don't care what anyone thinks I am, and I watch the waves as I talk to God and daydream about what --I can never remember later.
'Twas lovely-- Friday I got to enjoy Thai food, good company, and Serendipity. I can't even recall the last time I had Thai food, so that was a treat. Saturday was ocean day, a walk through Golden Gate Park, eating at Johnny Rocket's on the Pier, and wandering North Beach, followed by an evening of more lovely food (steak!) and conversation, capped off by The Holiday (somehow appropriate in context with the weekend). Today breakfast and coffee were an appropriate start to bookstore browsing and then a long--detour included-- drive home. In just a bit, Kari's birthday party will kick in and the excitement that ensues.
(Can you tell food is a theme in my life? I enjoy a good meal more thoroughly than ever).
I'm not going to Israel for my mission trip. The money didn't come in, so you guys can just pray I'll be put on an alternative that God wants. I'm pretty much heartbroken, but I do not doubt that God works all things out for good and I also have no qualms that I will one day travel and minister in the Holy Land.
On my drive home, I had lots to think about. After a weekend of distracting busyness, the introspection hit and much has come to my attention. Homesickness, a longing for independence, self-doubt, and a desperation for Jesus' comfort flooded my heart. I found myself piecing different songs together. If I was making my own combination of lyrics for the drive...
Loose lips might sink ships but loose gooses take trips
To San Francisco, double dutch disco, (Loose Lips - Kimya Dawson)
Your shadow weighs a ton--
Driving down the 101,
California, here we come (California - Phantom Planet)
We’ll set something ablaze
A trail for the devil to erase
San Francisco’s calling us, (Piazza, New York Catcher - Belle & Sebastian)
You can mark my words something's about to break (Nothing Left To Lose - Mat Kearney)
Another sunny day in Californ-i-a
I'm sure back home they'd love to see it (Back Home - Yellowcard)
I’ll be back when I’m good and ready
California doesn’t seem to think I’m ready yet (California - Josh Ritter)
I'm not coming home tonight, so don't wait up
'Cause I bet it never gets this cold in California (Home - JamisonParker)
California,
You're such a wonder that I think I'll stay in bed (California - Rufus Wainwright)
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