Tonight, as the air settled and I took a moment to locate peace, I felt a little shaken. It is too easy to think that life "requires" fill-in-the-blank. What right does life have to require anything of me? Society demands performance, qualification, and three-point, double-spaced, concise thesis statement-oriented essays. I have not and cannot meet that kind of expectation. Let me rephrase that. I can, but I shall not-- for in that state, I function but do not flourish.
It is the {blatant, disguised, colorful, terrifying, undeniable, comforting, inherent} difference between life according to law and the abundant life with grace.
Tonight, as the air settled, I felt suffocated. One can argue high standards versus legalism until the lines blur, yet it's all a clanging cymbal without love, without relationship. What does it all mean anyhow? What is the purpose? Good intentions pave the road to hell. It is of no benefit to this world nor is it worship to our Creator if we as Christians cannot live in relationship with one another, if we cannot be healthy, whole people with messes and problems we confront and resolve. Show me a person without fault and I will show you a hypocrite. I do not want to be the "faultless" person. However, I shall not settle for jaded, ruined, nor resigned. My heart's desire (and paradoxically, my heart's confusion) is the heartbeat of God: People. People. People.
I simply want this: to love and be loved. To be compassionate, patient, understanding, generous, inviting, and genuine. To trust and be trusted. To model the safety I have in my Father with and through those in my life.
Tonight, as the air settled, I knew peace.
"...The LORD is the defense of my life; Whom shall I dread?" -Psalm 27:1
